Bittersweet. It is weird after being a police officer for so long to not be one. Nothing is really changed except instead of having the weekend off, I have the whole week off and the week after that and the one after that... But police officer isn't something you do - like a job - it is something that you are. It is an identity. But unlike some police retirees, that is not what I am struggling with. I had not felt like a police officer for quite a while. I have been in an administrative position for so long that I could have been a civilian. I truly loved what I did and I am having a difficult time with how it came to an end. More on that another day.
I actually worked my rear end off today. I went in at 5 AM because I knew I had a lot to do. I had previously trained my replacement and turned everything over to him except for one big pain in the rear project: Cleaning the background file room. My job (sorry, former job) required multitasking and prioritizing. Unfortunately, I prioritized keeping the background investigations file as the lowest job on my list. Now, in my defense, until the retention schedule got approved, I could throw any of the old ones away so I was out of space. How do you file when ll the cabinets are full? You got it, you throw everything in the room and shut the door before anything falls out.
I decided I wasn't going to leave this mess behind and I have been slaving away over the past few weeks trying to get everything purged and filed. I almost finished. Now, those of you in law enforcement or with a loved one in law enforcement, know that police officer try not to do anything for free. We already turned in out time sheets and I was off the payroll, forever, at 2:00 this afternoon. Racing the deadline, I worked my little behind off. At about 1:00, I took my replacement down to the room to give him an orientation and let him know how the filing system worked. I have to say, that I found him a little ungrateful for the effort I had put in so when, at three o'clock, I had about four of the half sized bankers boxes left unfilled, I labeled them with instructions and left. Yes, I worked an hour for free and that is killing me but I figure it makes up for the hour or so I have wasted on the Internett in the past year. We'll just call that even.
So, I had already turned in my master key and had disabled my password to the LInX system. The last thing I had to do was to put my email on "out of office" with a message that I was gone. I tried to sneak out without a tear but when my Captain of 17 years gave me a hug, the waterworks started. I composed myself and walked out the door to the station. I was waiting for that TV moment when I crossed the threshold but it actually felt just like walking out any other day. I didn't look back though. I may be wrong but I don't expect to ever cross that threshold again.
When I came home, I snuck past the closet where we keep the kids. My husband said something about checking on them and he opened the door and said something to them but I wanted to take advantage of the quiet for a few minutes. After a while, my husband said he thought he heard one of the kids yell and he asked me to check on them for him. I whined "I don't want them to know I am home yet". But, like a good mom, I did go and check. The closet was empty. My husband had played a trick on me that he had apparently planned a few days ago. The kids are at his parents house for the night and he is taking me out to dinner, anywhere I want to go, and then a quiet evening at home. It is the perfect "retirement party".
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